Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Cantonese girls are way better than sliced bread

And that's a fact. We are. Far better for you, and far less spongy. Unless you're eating good bread of course, but it's still fattening.
The Cantonese girl, ESPECIALLY in her San Francisco incarnation, is NOT fattening.

We'll trot you up and down those hills till you're nice and wiry, coz that's how we like 'em.

A fellow resident of Baghdad-by-the-Bay has aired his own view of us:

From which let me cite:
"There are women of every ethnicity who recall the wild man of Borneo.
You know this is true - just think of your in-laws.

As good an argument for remaining single or venturing into queer experiments as I can think of. He speaks from experience.
Poor Dutch bastard. Oh, the humanity!

He also said:
"Many Cantonese girls look absolutely yummy"

Why thank you! Very nice of you to say so! And so true, too!

Well, true in general. I myself do not resemble anything particularly curvaceous, but on the other hand I do not have a muffin-top either, and weigh considerably less than many white and black women twice my age.

His most 'interesting' statement is this: "A woman who is eyeing your fine burrito con mole poblano with an expression that says "you gonna eat ALL of that, you greedy bastard?" just doesn't have the requisite vacuity in her face.
Likewise, a Cantonese girl who has just told you "dew sei neige pok gai tau, chau haam ga tsan kam ge sei kwei chui yeh!!!" may look any number of things - pan faced uber-goober isn't it.

Two things:
ONE - burrito con mole poblano where is? It sounds YUMMY!
TWO - "dew sei neige pok gai tau, chau haam ga tsan kam ge sei kwei chui yeh!!!"

Say what now? Everything after the comma is Byzantine! Five insults in ten syllables! Of which two are merely grammatical function words!!!


Or was that what some nice little miss snapped at you when you made an obscene proposition?
In that case, I fully understand.

You were probably leering quite UN-convincingly.
See, you need to have real CONVICTION when you do the hamsapkwai routine. There has to be a nasty pervert drool-tone to your voice, and the pronunciation has to be sweetly degenerate, modulated, and warm (like oozing molasses or raw sewage).
It HAS to be sincere. Or what's the point?

Don't forget to blink your eyes and drawl out whatever you call her.

"Siiiiieeeeeew jeeeeeeyyyyyeeeeeeeh!


Ahhh koooooooooo-leeeeeeeeerrrrng uuuuuh!!!

God, my skin already crawls at the very thought of it. And it's all about sensations, boy, so crawling skin is good! It's the imaginary touch, the unpeeled eye.

If you really want to snag a Cantonese girl, you've got to convince her that you are human, not food.
Perverts are human, hunks are meat.
It is better for you to be repulsive than delicious.

Now, please go out and practise. There are over a quarter of a million people of Chinese ancestry living in the city. Approximately precisely half of them are female. One fifth of those are within your target range at least - which is what? Ambulatory to arthritic? That gives you twenty five thousand women on whom to lavish your most depraved come-on lines..........

With assiduous application, at no less than dozen each day, you should strike it lucky well within the next year or two. Five.

You have my full and complete encouragement!
Good luck!

Just remember, 'many Cantonese girls look absolutely yummy'.



  1. I don't even live in a place with a large Chinese population, and even I know you are right!