Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Boys, Sewers, and Algae - Yay!

In hot weather, such as we're having this week, boys really stand out. By smelling phenomenally bad. I guess it’s just hormones, as between twelve and retirement age they’re just full of those things.
The hormones aren’t the problem, however. Most boys are needy.

Almost every boy I know seems to be emotionally furklempt. They want attention, they crave comforting, their sensitive wide eyes follow you around the room……

No, I’m NOT going to comment on the emotional problems of a fellow blogger. Even though he’s clearly indicated in the past that someone like me is just what the doctor ordered. Sorry, so very much NOT going there.

Middle aged old geezers are, in many ways, too much like other teenage boys. The only advantage of older men is that they don’t need help with their homework. Though sometimes I doubt even that.


It's that time of year when boys smell particularly atrocious, because of the hot weather, the city streets reek of boiling old sewer systems, the refuse in the bins behind restaurants starts letting off an eerie glow, and the overheated waters of the Bay send forth potent perfumes of dying algae..... and when we celebrate the Chinese Mid-Autumn Festival and eat mooncakes.

A very good time of year - despite the boys..... and the old sewer systems..... the glows.... the algae.....

Now guess what! Starbucks produces their own mooncakes! I may have to cast aside my undying loyalty to Peet's, even if just only temporarily.

See here:

You see that? Lovely luscious yummy nummy mooncakes!

Look, I can't stand Starbucks! It's always filled with galumphing waspy types with sneers in their voices, getting a jolt of really mediocre caffeine before heading to their oh-so important office jobs or yoga classes. Peet's has real coffee, even though most of the baristas show off tattoos in places their moms wish they wouldn't. But the coffee is real, and very good.

It's just that Peet's doesn't have mooncakes! In a city filled with high-strung energetic Asian teenagers, you'd think they would know - mooncakes are essential. There's nearly a quarter of a million Chinese in San Francisco, guys, don't you WANT us to throw our money at you? Aren't WE the SF target demographic of choice? Are you that set on catering to Whitey? In this city?

Yep, that's the message you are sending at this time of year.
It may be unintentional - like boys sweating and stinking all kinds of bad - but it is definitely out there. It had better be unintentional.
Please wise up. Friends don't let friends go to Starbucks.
Thank you.



  1. I am NOT a 'middle-aged old geezer'!

    And I refuse to go to Starbucks. Life is too short for crappy coffee. Even if they do have mooncakes.

  2. Some experts warn that the fondness for frappus and other high-octane heavily sugared coffee-bar drinks is contributing toward the epidemic of obesity among Americans, especially the younger crowd. Add the high-fat content of moonckes to that, and even nice trim young Asian-American damsles will soon look like little butterball turkeys.

    Just saying.

  3. Conflicting messages, dear man. Sure it isn't sour grapes?

    You love mooncakes. You hate Starbucks. You resent Starbucks for making people fatter with their mooncakes?

    And by the way, I am underweight. It's that sparky Asian metabolism. I'm lucky.

    You, however, are white. And middle-aged.