Thursday, August 19, 2010

Breast milk

Comes an interesting news-article:

SAUDI ARABIA: Cleric who urged grown men to drink breast milk of unrelated women taken off air

" ... Sheikh Abdel Mohsen Obeikan, the Saudi cleric and royal court adviser who earlier this year earned notoriety for rolling out an eyebrow-raising religious decree that called on women to give men breast milk to avoid illicit mixing ... "


Wow! I am not at all clear how they would obtain that milk, nor how it would avoid illicit mixing.
I rather think that it would promote exactly what it sought to discourage.
But I'm not lactating, so what do I know?

Sheikh Obeikan's radio show, Fatwas on the Air, is no longer being broadcast.
A very great pity.

If it still were, I imagine him pronouncing a deeply thought out follow-up Shariah-ruling about the matter.


Bismillah ur Rahman ur Raheem!
The proper Muslim way to partake of a woman's breast milk is to extend a tube with a nipple-cup to the relevant breast. In order to maintain propriety, the tube should be at least six feet long, bent once horizontally (either to the left or to the right), and twice vertically - thus the man would NOT be able to look directly at the relevant breast.

There should be three parts to the tube: a non-suggestive mouthpiece, a semi-rigid tube, and a nipple-cup.

The nipple-cup should be of generous dimension, and made of rubber or cured camel-hide, so that it is soft and loose enough to not betray either the moment of contact, OR the density of the breast, NOR even the general shape, contour, outline, density, sponginess, surface texture or skin tension, OR any other imaginable dimension or measurement.


The feeding tube should be cleaned rigorously between use: both with hot water and with fire, so that the next experience not reek of the last, nor a milking be rendered impure by the decay of previous milkings.

The tube and the cup should be examined regularly by a cleric.

A damaged tube may not be used; it is haram.
A tube with sharp parts may not be used; it is haram.
A tube with an irregular nipple cup may not be used; it is haram.


No one is to partake of both breasts (ie, a matched set, that being a pair of breasts that belong to one individual woman), as that demonstrates willful preference, and may lead to obsessions. One breast per person, neither more nor less, nor the same breast twice!
As with remarrying a woman that one divorced, where we hold that there must be an intermediary marriage before the man remarries her, there should be an intermediary breast between the breasts (clearly it is best if the man is acquainted with several breasts).

A man who partakes of breast milk should at ALL times have this feeding tube with him - so that no one can pinpoint the exact time of day when he is accustomed to partake, and so determine to observe. The woman should NOT touch the tube with any part of her body other than the breast in question, so that no actual mutual contact is implied by her co-operation, nor any co-operation by the contact.

It is better that the woman whose breast is targeted not be aware of the process, lest she inadvertently have unclean thoughts. She should be stunned first with a cudgel by a third party of impeccable reputation, in the presence of four witnesses of probity .......................

The Iranians, being fractious and Shia rather than Sunni, would no doubt disagree vehemently with such a Wahabi opinion, write their own rules for milking, and execute anyone who partook of breast-milk through immodest or Western methodologies.

In either case, many intellectuals in Europe and parts of America would wholeheartedly approve of the new traditions. So beautiful, so meaningful.



  1. You forgot all about fruit comparisons!

    Many fruits equals much leniency in the law.

  2. Cured camel hide? I guess mixing meat and milk is ok?
    Ew. Ew. Ew.