Saturday, December 11, 2010

Secrets of Fusion Cuisine revealed!

According to many hip white professionals (you know, 'those people'), the best thing since wash-and-wear is 'fusion cuisine'.
What that means is white people cooking, using one or two Asian ideas or Ingredients.
If they do it in a restaurant context it costs three to five times more than if a little yellow person did the same darn thing. Or used one or two Caucasian Ideas or Ingredients.

Strange how that works – you can get stuffed at a "Chinese Restaurant" for less than twenty bucks (and leave only a one dollar tip, "because any more shows what a freier you are"), or get disappointed and dyspeptic at a fancy NOUVEAU place for sixty bucks.
And be sure to leave a 25% gratuity or "they WILL remember you next time!"

But, thanks to me, you don’t need to spend $75.00 at the fancy nouveau place (drinks not included), OR put up with snarky Cantonese wait-staff! Weeeee!

How lucky can you get!?!

I also cook 'fusion'!
And if I can do it, so can you.
You lucky fellow.

Meaning that my mom pulled up her nose at what I had for breakfast.
It was far too 'white'. I’ve gone all native on her. Never gonna catch a decent man now.

Spam. And Egg. And Dried Mushroom. And Fish. And Thai Green Curry paste. And Tomato Paste. With Clarified Broth. Over Rice Stick Noodles. And Bean-thread Noodles.
With chopped green onion and cilantro. And Mexican pickled jalapenos. And some avocado slices.

Basically a soupy green curry noodle dish with savory bits and breakfasty things.
But really, if you don’t overdo the spam and egg, which were just an afterthought, much like dumping a fried egg on everything including steak and cake (and that’s VERY white!), it was really truly Asian.

So I don’t know WHY she called me ho chee quaimuy kam?

After all, I ate it with chopsticks!

She’s the woman who dumps a fried egg on her hamburger and rice, plus a big sploop of ketchup and Tabasco. And then eats it with a knife and fork!
So she’s very MUCH more white than I am.
I’m about as traditional and old-fashioned as they come. REALLY!


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