Friday, April 9, 2010

Balkan Sobranie till you're sick of it!

Sometimes, when your scrolling through someone else’s blog, you notice one thing which proves that the writer has a screw loose. An obsession, or a queer perversion, that you already suspected but you just didn’t know how deep it went. It may appall you. OR not.

Good example:
"Balkan Sobranie – all posts" (At the back of the Hill).


He's insane.

Consider, if I will, this post:

Ten whole pages of stuff. About. A. Pipe. Tobacco. Mixture. Called. BALKAN SOBRANIE!!!

Taste and blending notes, comparisons, and a loving tribute.

Now, girls I could understand. Girls are pretty neat. Even dishy altar boys. But he's writing about pipe tobacco! Pipe freaking tobacco!

Then there's this one:

Much shorter, but still a turgid overload of love poem to a long gone stinky product. You'd think he was writing about his favorite pastry. Or fish paste.
Plus more instructive notes and comparisons.

I also clicked on a link named "Tobacco List", and that was a frightfully stupid thing to do - forty pages or so of stuff about pipe tobacco - a lot of which is, obviously, about Balkan Sobranie and mr. Atboth's deep enduring love affair with his stinky mistress.
He loves to roll in it, to touch it, to fondle it, rub it all over his pasty middle aged torso, and breathe deeply and passionately of its heady perfume. Balkan Sobranie is better than ten women!
He remembers each and every lustY embrace of Balkan Sobranie, each tar-stained kiss, each sooty frolic, and each sultry shred of stimulus. Balkan Sobranie!
That's pipe tobacco we're talking about, he isn't talking about ME, thank god even though I'm jealous, or even any other young ladies. Just pipe tobacco! Pervert!

If he we're a teenage boy, he'd write about girls. Girls with great big casabas, long legs, and blonde hair waving in the breeze, wide round eyes, slightly parted lips, and vacant expressions on their simple pie-faces (precisely NOT like me!).
But he's an elderly Dutchman, no longer hormonally gifted, possibly dried up.... so tobacco instead.
Way to go, man! I really so want to be pipe tobacco when I grow up and move out!
Girls are a dime a dozen, but pipe tobacco inspires lasting passion.

Oh, and another thing, if you're reading this mister Atboth, I just gave you FOUR links. You now owe me.



  1. Right back at you, you umpudent little hussy!

    Heh heh heh.

  2. Umpudent? UMpudent?!??!!! You know how to spell, Dutchie?

  3. Heh. You're the one who changed "lust embrace" to 'lustY embrace' shortly AFTER my comment.
    By the way, what does "thnaks" mean?

    "Thnaks for the links" - Snax? Tax? Sixpacks?